My Holiday Too

The earliest and some of the fondest memories in my life were spent listening to great speeches but no one more than Martin Luther King Jr.  I would love to say it was my idea but truth is the great wisdom of Mr. King was foisted upon me by my mother June Gabriel.

Our home was an homage to MLK with framed photos on the walls, figurines and albums and copies of his speeches.  Whenever he was on the radio or television we were told to stop in our tracks and remain very still so she could hear every word he said. We knew better than to argue or even make a sound when his voice filled the air. She would get serious, then  emotional, then happy, then she would say Amen and then repeat his entire message to us several times that day getting more and more animated as the day went on.

My mother was born in Springhill, Nova Scotia and  even though her children were of mixed heritage, she anchored us in our black culture that is so prevalent and proud in Nova Scotia. She built a library of black literature with authors and biographies of significant black accomplishment throughout the ages.

She loved music but her favourite album that she played over and over was the recorded speech I Have A Dream. I will never forget the day he was assassinated and my mother’s devastation and broken heart that the dream was over.

And today on the eve of Mr. Obama’s inauguration I too am celebrating Mr. King’s birthday and I am celebrating my mother. And how her dream has come true.

 

 

 

My mother mailed this t-shirt to me last week – she’s been wearing hers for months!

Even though MLK Day is not an official holiday in Canada it is for my family and so many others here and around the world.

Happy Birthday Mr. King! And thanks Mom!

People are not in love with goals.

Now there’s a bold statement that I’m happy to stand by and back up.

There are as many ways to create, plan, set, identify and execute, fulfill, and achieve goals as there are flavours of ice cream.  I ’m saying that regardless of what method you use to achieve your goals; it is not really the goal that calls you forth but rather, it is the benefit you receive as a result of accomplishing the goal and what the benefits make possible.

And that’s why I say people are not in love with goals. But they are in love with the benefit of the goal.

And so what about that?

Well, get clear about your goals and get even clearer about the benefits and you will have off the charts results.

Let’s say I need to lose 50 lbs. – if you know me you would be nodding your head right now. 

I can tell you that this goal is not something I am in love with, far from it. Who the hell would be in love with that? But I would sure  be in love with the benefits of achieving this goal!

I would have new clothes; have more energy, do more activities and have much better health. You see, it doesn’t matter if I wanted to lose one or one hundred pounds, the outcome is the same….I am compelled by what is possible as a result of having achieved the goal  -  not the goal itself. By the way, goals are in the context of intention.

In 2009, my intention is to be healthy. So the goal of losing weight is just one of the measured milestones of my intention.

Believe me the thought of what I have to do to lose the weight is not inspiring, in fact it exhausts me to even think about it. So how do I get past this lethargy and on to fulfilling my intention?

Here are the steps I use to fulfill a goal:

• On a sheet of paper I write my goal and I make sure it is clearly defined with numbers and dates. (I like to write with a pen, I’m not sure why, but something different happens to me when I use pen versus typing.)
• Then I write down the benefits of achieving the goal. And I write for 12 solid minutes without lifting my pen. (this takes a few sheets of paper)
• Sounds like an eternity! Yes take the full 12 minutes and get into it. The key is to build on the previous benefit and build and build until you can go no further.
• Here is an example:
  • The benefit of (goal) e.g. losing weight is…
  • And the benefit of that is….
  • And the benefit of that is
  • And once you have achieved that what will you do?
  • And then what will you do
  • And what would be the benefit of doing that
  • And then, and then and then?
  • And then what will you do, and what will that make available and what will you do with that?
• If you do this exactly as I have said here you will know when you are complete because you will be moved. You will be emotional and inspired. Keep writing until you get to that place.

One of my clients could not believe that accomplishing a simple goal like clearing and organizing her home office desk led to participating in Habitat for Humanity, still another client lost 20 lbs and he ended up proposing to his girlfriend.

So that’s why I say we are not in love with goals – we are in love with the benefits of the goals and what is possible when we achieve them.

Just think of how the world could be transformed by starting with a couple of steamed vegetables, an uncluttered desk or a trip on the elliptical!

How are Goals Different from Intentions?

Every January when we begin the process of planning the New Year, the annual conversation about goals versus intentions also surfaces.

Goals and intentions are distinct yet they both refer to or involve a vision of the future, so what’s the difference?

goal – noun; the result or achievement toward which effort is directed; aim; end

Creating goals entails envisioning a future outcome, then planning and taking the actions to achieve the goal.

I’m here and I would like to be there – get a promotion, travel, education, move.

I am this way and I would like to be that way – be happy, less stress, be fit, communicate.

I have this and I would like to have that – a home, a business, a family, new career, spirituality.

We coaches are goal-centric and like most I use the SMART method (specific, measurable, actionable, relevant and time bound) to drill down and give clarity to goals.

Goals give us direction, energy, focus, have measures and are future based. They are mostly about tasks and in the realm of doing.

Intention is more about context and being.

in∙ten∙tion – noun; an act or instance of determining mentally upon some action or result

The Buddhists say ‘setting intention’ is a practice of how you are being in the present moment. So how does one be in the present moment and have goals based in an imagined future?

When you create or set an intention you live the intention every day. It becomes a practice and something you experience right now.

For example, my intention for 2009 is to be physically healthy so everything I do will be in service of my intention. Meaning I will create goals to fulfill on my intention including to exercise, eat well, lose weight, take vitamins, drink more water, practice yoga, join a gym.

Being grounded in intention is what provides the integrity and foundation for fulfillment in our lives especially when we encounter difficult times, become frustrated and lose sight of our goals. When that happens our intention reinforces our purpose, it connects us with who we are, what we want and propels us to continue on the path.

Dr Wayne Dyer says in The Power of Intention: intention is not something you do, but an energy you're a part of. Not only do  you emanate from the field of intention, but if you align yourself to it, your desires become fulfilled and you find yourself at peace.

If you have not been achieving your goals the way you would like, try setting an intention first and then add the goals.

I  will speak more on goals, the benefits of goals and goal setting in coming posts.

Inventing 2009

I’m getting better at keeping year end resolutions I create in the spirit of the New Year – now they last beyond February.

A few years ago a friend sent me an email from Forgiveness Coach Eileen Epperson where she outlined how to invent the new year. I combined that with a couple of other wise practices and voila! New year, new achievements, new life. And I get to brag a bit rather than hang my head and avoid those helpful friends who say “ hey didn’t you say on New Year’s Eve that you were going to…?”

The key to inventing the New Year is to get complete with the outgoing year by being straight about what happened and facing the truth without any judgement. So what that would look like is to revisit the entire year month by month and yes you must embrace all your “Y” words; yeeshh, yuk and yay are words that often come up for me.

I shake that off and take an adult approach to celebrate achievements and make peace with the things that didn’t work out or I completely screwed up. Then I let them go and move along so I invent the new year with a clean slate.

I think the Chinese have it right. They name the year by using Chinese astrology. 2009 is the year of the Brown Cow – move over Cosmo. If you know anything about Chinese astrology you will have a pretty good idea of how the year will go.

So why not name your own year? Then YOU say how the year will turn out? Some of my past years were - 2006 was my Year of Completion…going to school, climbing a mountain (okay the Grouse Grind), clearing debt;

Royal Roads University – Graduate Certificate in Executive Coaching

2007 was my Year of Expansion… expanded my business, my learning, circle of friends;

2008 was my Year of Partnership… relationships, professional collaborations.

By naming my year I created goals consistent with the theme I wanted and everything I did throughout the year was in service of fulfilling on the goals. It was so simple and it worked!

I share this with clients and friends and even though I know this process works, I am often astounded at the results when we do a mid year check.

Enjoy your invention.

Happy New Year!